just tell him i said nine months
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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