Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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