We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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