Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
