is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
