I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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