Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
