I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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