i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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