Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
