this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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