fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
