We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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