Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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