i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
