ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
