I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
