why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
