i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
