You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so much tequila, so little girl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
