I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
