Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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