You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
