Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
