the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
