Who wears a wallet chain?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
