just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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