You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
