i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
