I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
