Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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