My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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