I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
