so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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