so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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