Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
