I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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