I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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