Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
