Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
