I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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