You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
