did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
