i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
