Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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