Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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