Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
