We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
