The maid of honor just puked.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
