Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
