I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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