Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
